Thursday, October 31, 2013

Top 9 Scariest Pokemon

Pokemon X and Y were released this month. Today is Halloween. Here's a list of the nine scariest Pokemon to commemorate both occasions. Sweet, sweet pagevie-- I mean, uh, candy.


Oh look, it's a cute little electric ghost thing. It's almost too innocent... Don't be lulled by its disarming demeanor, because that's when it'll possess your fucking LAWNMOWER and embark on a bloodthirsty rampage. Is this Pokemon or a Stephen King novel?


This sly-smiled, beady-eyed, pink blob of putty is possibly the friendliest looking of all the pocket monsters, but as we've discovered with Rotom, these are devious creatures. While Rotom can possess various electronic machinery, Ditto can outright transform into any physical object. Luckily, it seems to have a pretty friendly disposition and probably won't take it upon itself to murder you in your sleep, but that doesn't mean it's not watching you sleep.Has that lamp always been there?

Mr. Mime



Yamask is literally someone's ghost. They carry a mask bearing their human likeness, crying and longing to return to the world of the living. Being trapped in this ghostly form, free to be captured and commanded by a corporeal human is an unimaginable hell, so it's safe to say there will come a time when it snaps. Anyone that puts its mask on will become possessed, giving it the disposable vessel it needs to inflict its envious rage on the world of the living.


Due to the sheer hatred of being thrown away, Banette tranformed itself from a lifeless doll into a revenge-seeking Pokemon. Its psychotic grimace is zipped up to prevent its rage from escaping. It's goal is simple: To find the child that disowned it.


Hypno is a vampire, but instead of blood, it sucks the dreams from the heads of sleeping humans after lulling them to sleep with its pendulum. Like a true predator, it lies in wait on infrequently traveled roads for unwitting victims to meander on by. Once within range, it swiftly hypnotizes its prey and subsequently psychically siphons the succulent dreams from their skulls. 


Espurr is essentially a walking nuke. Look at its eyes. Does that look like the face of something that can be reasoned with? No. Espurr is that one crazy guy at the office everyone's afraid to criticize in the event that their one snide remark ends up being the straw that brakes the madman's brain, prompting him to turn the place into his own private shooting gallery. This thing has the power to destroy everything within a 300 foot radius. It clamps its ears down in a constant, desperate struggle to contain its uncontrollable power. Back away slowly.


Hahaha.... heh... This Pokemon is garbage. what a joke. Know what isn't a joke? Life-threatening bacterial infections.


You're  making your way back from some social gathering, walking at a brisk pace, bracing yourself against the chill of the night air. But this night seems unusually chilly, and you feel  shiver down your spine. Suddenly, the shadows cast under the dim glow of the sreet lamps start to dance, and... is that... laughter? Shrill, maniacal laughter? RUN.


Born from the discarded husk of a Nincada during evolution, this ghostly bug floats, completely motionless, invincible to anyone that doesn't know its weakness. If that wasn't menacing enough, this hollow shell of a creature is said to steal the spirit of anyone who dares peer into the crack on its...

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